Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
