Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
