I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
