Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
