Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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