saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
