I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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