i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
