I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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