Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize