I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
