is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
