Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
