Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize