So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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