They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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