I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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