I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
