i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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