Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
