i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
