i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
