plz talk dirty to me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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