So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
