Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
