It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
