the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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