Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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