I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
whose parrot is this?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
