The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
