just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
