We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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