Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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