420 ftw
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
