We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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