Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
