Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
