he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
