i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize