where am i from again
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
