Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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