I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
