I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize