about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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