I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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