Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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