just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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