It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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