The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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