shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
FUCK WHALES
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
