Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
