how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
