You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
