i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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