If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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