i permit you to call me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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