xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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