so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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