hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize