I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
