I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
