I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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