we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your penis caused this!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
