You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
