I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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