Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
