Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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