how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
