I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
