Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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