6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
