Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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