It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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